Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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