well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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