and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize