He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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