I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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