Umm I'm too high to move.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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