Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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