If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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