Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You ruined the universe
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