he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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