I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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