Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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