i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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