2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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