I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize