Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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