literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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