Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
too bad you live with your parents still
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize