A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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