we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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