I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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