Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize