I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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