Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
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It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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