I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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