if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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