the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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