Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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