I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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