So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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