i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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