Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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