Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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