no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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