do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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