Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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