All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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