i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize