My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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