I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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