Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize