So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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