Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize