I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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