Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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