For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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