can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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