We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize