His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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