I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize